I come to you today on a more sombre note than I usually do. I've been going through a rough patch lately. Between dating issues, the weather changing, and the people I love being far away, I haven't been feeling very happy.
Now, I'm a severe introvert, so part of my isolation is self-induced. But part of it isn't. Part of me likes sitting in my room with my books and my internet. And part of me is screaming, drowning, reaching for any small human connection. Phone calls and Skype dates are one thing. But I miss the sitting next to someone. The hugs, the ripples of laughter that bounce off each other, the comfortable silences. Sometimes I feel so lost I don't know what to do with myself. I sit on my bed, not wanting to read, not wanting to putter around the internet, not wanting to do anything, but feeling like I'm going to explode if I stay alone one more minute.
I'm not afraid to be alone, really I'm not. I conquered that fear long ago. I can happily go eat lunch, see a movie, shop for clothes by myself. But sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes I just want to not be alone.
I found this video a while back, and I think it's a good perspective on being alone. Society makes it out to be this awful thing, but it doesn't have to be.
But I'm not just alone anymore. I'm lonely.